Radical Self Acceptance
Can you imagine for a moment, the most “out-there” person that you know?
Maybe it’s your best friend, your mom, a co-worker, that ONE GIRL at the gym… Maybe it’s you? (I hope it’s you - We’ll get to why)
Why are they “out there”?
Is it because they’re always wearing something a tad avant garde? Maybe they have a wild, stand-out hair style? A loud personality? They’re kind of a space-case but at the same time, authentic, and when you talk to them, they genuinely listen, and care about what you have to say. Come to think about it… they’re just so dang genuine! Because they show up as themselves, without a care in the world what another has to say about it.
They dress how they want to dress, behave as the soul they are, bask in the ambiance of their quirks, and they don’t apologize for any of it. The expectations or opinions of others are none of their business and they’re happier for it, and maybe, if that’s not you, you’re even a little bit envious. “I wish I could be that calm, cool and collected.” What is the secret to their confidence?
Friends, YOU are the secret. Let me explain.
Confidence like that comes from a silent, internal place that says, “I know who I am, I know what I like and what I don’t, I understand myself, and I accept myself completely. I show up as me. I do life as me. And if you don’t like me, then you are not for me.”
When you’re soaking in that kind of drip, you are undoubtedly going to exude “cool” vibes! But what’s really “cool” about being “cool”, is simply being authentic, and authenticity comes from a place of radical self-acceptance.
Let me take you back for a minute, to 1999. I was in fifth grade, and it was starting to occur to me that I wasn’t exactly like the other girls in my grade. While they were all thin, developing, and rocking ‘The Rachel’ hair-do… I was short, chubby, pre-pubescent and my hair had just gone from Pocahontas to Coheed & Cambria... Seriously. I was born with bone straight hair, and this was the year it decided to become a curly disaster. Not to mention, everyone at my private school was shopping in American Eagle and Hollister, while my ill-fitting jeans came from Wal-Mart. And that’s not to speak on how I feel about classism as an adult, but as a pre-teen, fitting in felt like everything, and I was far from the imaginary coastline.
Don’t get me wrong, I had friends. It was an incredibly small school and we all enjoyed each other (as much as middle-schoolers do)… but I stopped enjoying myself because I didn’t feel like I fit in. And I didn’t feel like I fit in, because I didn’t look like Kirsten Dunst from Bring It On. Seriously y’all, I was OBSESSED with that movie.
My point being that when we’re looking to the outside world for validation, and who we naturally are doesn’t FIT with the things we’re taking in from around us, it can be easy for us to go to a place of shame, and shutdown, without even giving it a second thought.
I don’t think I came out of that haze until my late twenties. And y’all, that’s a really long time to hate yourself, or feel like you’re not cool, just because you’re not like everyone else.
This brings me to my second point…
Be the eccentric one.
Be “that girl” at the office who everyone thinks is just a little weird because she’s doing things her own way.
Your weirdness isn’t a flaw, it’s MAGIC. I’m serious.
Stand in your funkiness. Wear the vintage jacket, rock the curls, glow from the inside out because you’re just being YOU. The real you. The you that you WANT to be. The you that likes pop music, and sushi, and stuffed animals, and pink - whatever it is - DO YOU.
And then… if you don’t “fit in”, get OUT, and seek instead those places in which you BELONG. To quote Brene Brown (God, I just love her!), “The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”
Radical self-acceptance starts with knowing who you are - inside and out - and loving yourself. Period. Full stop.
This is why I hope it’s you.
I hope it’s you who knows who you are, and loves who you are, flaws and imperfections and all. I hope you stand in your Truth. I hope you show up authentically. I hope you find the places in which you BELONG, instead of the places you can merely fit in.
So how do you get to know who you are so you can start radically accepting that miraculous soul of yours?
Take a deep dive into self-discovery:
Learn about your likes and dislikes, from the simple to the complex. “I like eggs, but only if they’re scrambled, and I hate loud noises, but only if they’re unexpected.”
Unearth your personal beliefs and values. “I believe in something larger than myself. I value quality time spent with others.”
Know what your boundaries are, and stand up for them. “I will walk away from someone who is treating me like I’m stupid.”
Accept your personality traits! “I am childlike, but also serious, and very easy to start a conversation, and I love it!”
Get clear on your purpose, the work you want to do. “I am a creator with a message for growth and healing.”
Practice self compassion. “I understand my flaws, and I am working to improve upon them with grace.”
Dig into quizzes like the Enneagram, Myers Briggs, and/or your Love Language. Go deep, and keep going! You will change throughout your life, so as with most things, knowing yourself is a process.
Being yourself is a privilege of a lifetime.
In a world riddled with expectations and “normalcy”… be weird.
It might feel hard at first. There is a lot to unlearn from this world. But I promise you, it is worth the work.
Be Well,
L
