Happiness is an Action
In the pursuit of health and wellness, we often focus on physical fitness, nutrition, and even mental well-being. However, there's one vital aspect that we sometimes overlook - the role of happiness.
What’s a great body, and a sound mind if you’re not happy at the core of it?
Many people think that happiness is just an emotion that we passively experience, something happens to us, but it isn’t.
Happiness, like love, is an action. Happiness is something we must actively cultivate.
And moreover, happiness, like much else that we discuss here, isn’t a destination. In fact, happiness is a state of BEING.
You see, most people think that in order to be happy they need to first have something. Maybe it’s a relationship, or money, or a specific job, or children, or even time. But the reality of happiness is that we must first cultivate that state of BEING, and take action from that place, in order to HAVE the things that we want and desire.
This is called the BE-DO-HAVE Paradigm.
The Be-Do-Have Paradigm is a simple equation that applies to a variety of life circumstances. It sounds like this: Who/How do I need to BE, in order to DO what I want to do/take the actions that I need to take (and what are those actions?), so that I can HAVE what I want to have?
And before you even get that far, I’d recommend identifying what it is that you want to have in the first place.
Your state of BEING looks like your core beliefs, feelings, values, and skills. Who are you being now? And does it align with who you ultimately want to be?
Your state of DOING looks like the habits, choices, and action steps you’re taking towards the life that you want to create, FROM the above place of being.
For example, I am currently taking actions toward developing this platform, its resources and community, from a place of inner peace and joy, with a core belief that I can help others, with values rooted in authenticity, resilience, and faith, with skills as a creator, speaker, and coach.
The last part of the equation, the HAVE, the moment everyone wants to focus on, simply describes the outcome you hope to achieve through your actions.
Most people get this entire equation backwards, which looks and sounds like this:
“If only I HAD xyz, I could DO abc, and then I could BE happy.”
Wrong.
Everything starts with your MINDSET. Your state of BEING. Your attitude, core beliefs, feelings and values.
Happiness is not a static condition but rather a dynamic process that requires effort, intention, and practice. You can start to cultivate the mindset of happiness by doing some of the following:
Practicing Gratitude: Rather than waiting for something external to make us happy, we can actively choose to appreciate the blessings and beauty that already exist in our lives. By keeping a gratitude journal, or having some kind of gratitude practice, we can shift our focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in our lives.
Engaging in Acts of Kindness: Research has shown that altruistic behaviors not only benefit others but also boost our own well-being. Whether it's lending a listening ear to a friend in need, volunteering in our community, or simply offering a smile to a stranger, acts of kindness activate the brain's reward centers, leading to increased feelings of happiness and fulfillment.
Being Mindful and Present: By cultivating awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment, we can break free from the cycle of rumination and anxiety, experiencing greater peace and contentment in the present moment.
Overcoming Challenges: As Mark Manson says, “A happy life is not a life without struggle, it’s a life with meaningful struggle.” Life is always going to be hard. You will likely always have time constraints, money problems, people you don’t like, shit that irritates you and so on. If you wait for all of that struggling to go away before you allow yourself to be happy, you will never be happy. In fact, Mark Manson has an entire book about this called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” that I highly recommend, if you give too many fucks. I also recommend “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday, if this still sounds like a load of B.S. You will thank me later, I promise!
Nurturing Relationships: Our connections with others play a crucial role in our happiness and well-being. By investing time and energy into nurturing the relationships that mean the most to us (yes, relationships require some work!) we not only strengthen our support network but also experience greater levels of happiness and fulfillment. Whether it's spending quality time with loved ones, engaging in meaningful conversations, or expressing appreciation for those we care about, fostering healthy relationships is an essential aspect of cultivating happiness in our lives.
In a society that often emphasizes the pursuit of external achievements, possessions, money, clout, etc. as the key to happiness, it's important to recognize that true happiness is an inside job. By shifting our perspective from happiness as a passive state to happiness as an active pursuit, we can empower ourselves to take control of our own well-being.
Remember, it all starts with mindset. Our state of being. Happiness isn't something we find—it's something we create, one action at a time.
Be well,
L
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